


Tough Times

by demonramsey



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Multi, Tags will change as story progresses, trans!Jack, trans!michel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-05-01 06:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5195246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonramsey/pseuds/demonramsey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Michael Jones really hated his fucking life, between dealing with being transgender and his feelings for his once best friend Gavin Free, he really hated everything. Can he survive his mental struggle and come out feeling better about himself than he normally does?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Life's obstacles

**Author's Note:**

> Hey-o! I'm back with a brand new fanfic. It's Mavin! Yes. Yes, my Raywood stuff hasn't updated in a while, but hey, I'm working on those too. I'm also in college and working on a bunch of other things, so with out further ado! Here's the fic :D

As if Michael Jones didn’t have it hard enough… Michael Jones hated his life. He hated it with a passion. It was bad enough no one understood that Michael hated being Michelle and he hated she/her pronouns. Why didn’t anyone understand that he was a fuckin’ guy?! Shuffling his way into his first class, Michael sat down and immediately laid his head down on his desk. He was really glad that no one he knew was in his first class, because that meant no one would talk to him, or ask him if he was fine. Sighing as he sat up, he allowed his attention to be on his teacher long enough to do roll call. Fucking great, it was a substitute.

“Michelle Jones?” The substitute asked.

“It’s Michael.” He corrected her.

“But the roll sheet says-.” She started

“It doesn’t matter what the fucking roll sheet says, it’s fucking Michael!” He snapped.

            He could have sworn he’d put the bitch in tears, before he found himself in the office of course. Sighing as he crossed his arms, he leaned back in the chair listening to the principle talk with his mother. Leaning his head back he stared at the ceiling, he waited for his mother to show up. Okay so, maybe Michael had a few people who understood how he felt, he was glad his parents were accepting of him. He sat up when his parents walked in, sighing.

“Explain yourself to your parents, Michael.” Principal Burns said.

Sighing, Michael began to explain. “They were calling roll and they used my real name, I corrected her and she tried to tell me that I couldn’t be called Michael. So I let my temper get the best of me and I corrected her again and I _might_ have cussed.” He said, looking at his parents.

            He knew his parent were disappointed since they punished him for using foul language, but he also knew they couldn’t really blame him for what he did. After his parents had a talk with Principal Burns, they took Michael home. The car ride was silent except for the music that could be heard through Michael’s head phones. Once he was home Michael went up to his room and began to dig for his journal he kept hidden under his bed, pulling it out when he found it he sat up and flipped to a clean page.

_April 15 th, 2015_

_So, it’s been a while since I’ve recorded how I’ve felt about things, the last date in here is February 14 th. Jesus, I’ve got so much on my mind since I last wrote, everything’s just weighed down on me, and I hate it. I hate myself, I hate my body, and I hate this stupid crush I have on Gavin fuckin’ Free. That goddamn stupid brit, I swear if he came up to me and asked me to sit with them again I’d do it. But to do it on my own free will? I can’t. I don’t matter to them, they don’t see me as Michael, they see me as Michelle. I’m nothing unless I’m sitting with them in skirts and dresses and frills, and I hate it. I miss them, yes, but to go and sit with them again would only make me hate myself more. Sometimes I wonder if they really even cared about me to begin with. I mean, if they were acting, they did a god damn convincing job of it. I don’t know, maybe I’m over thinking everything. For now, I’ll just stop and relax. I’m glad I can vent here and not have anyone judge me. Makes my life easier. –Michael. _

            Sliding the journal under his bed, Michael leaned against his bed and rubbed his eyes. Making the decision to shower, Michael stood up and gathered his pajamas then headed for the bathroom. He set his stuff on the counter and pulled his shirt over his head, sighing some. He’d covered his mirror ages ago, deciding that if he looked in it he’d only hate himself that much more. He struggled a moment with his binder, but managed to get it off and hung it up to air out. Sighing, he turned the water on and leaned against the wall. Why was life throwing him so many obstacles?


	2. Flashes of the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael takes a look back on telling everyone, and how they reacted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Chapter two. Enjoy! <3

After a long shower and spending time getting dressed, Michael began to flash back to when he told everyone about him being transgender. The day was still in his mind perfectly, he could remember it to every last detail. He could remember telling everyone individually, and even their reactions.

            _Michael fidgeted nervously as he waited for Geoff to get out of class. He’d been friends with the older student the longest. He messed with the hem of his hoodie, sighing as he waited for Geoff. He looked up when he saw the older exit, taking a breath he ran to catch up with Geoff._

_“Geoff!” He called._

_“Hey Michelle, what’s up?” Geoff asked, stopping and turning around._

_“I-uh. Actually, I want to talk to you.” Michael said. “I don’t…I’m not Michelle anymore. I’m Michael. I’m not…I’m not a girl, I’m a guy.” He added._

_There’s a pause and he watched Geoff’s face, Geoff doesn’t say anything as he stares at Michael. After a moment, Geoff finally reacts and makes the face Michael was hoping to never see from his longtime friend, a face of disgust. Michael’s eyes widened and he teared up._

_“What the fuck? Are you playing with me right now?” Geoff asked._

_“Geoff, no. I’m not!” He said._

_“You stay away from me! You understand me Michelle Jones?! Stay away from me!” Geoff exclaims before walking away._

_Michael stands in shock for a moment before he breaks down, despite being a male, he can’t help but cry because he trusted Geoff with so many things. He turned to walk away and ran straight into Ryan who’s walking with Jon, Ryan’s longtime boyfriend, the schools most talented artist. He clings to the other for a moment, shaking before he realizes where he is and let’s go._

_“Whoa, Michelle, what’s going on?” Ryan asked._

_It took Michael a moment to calm down before he could speak again._

_“Ryan, it was awful. I just…I told Geoff I wasn’t a girl and he thought I was messing with him and I’m not Ryan, I swear. I don’t want to be a girl anymore, I’m a guy. Ryan, I’m Michael, I’m not Michelle, I’m Michael.” He said, panicking._

_Jon and Ryan are both wide eyed as they listen to Michael. They couldn’t understand how Geoff could do such a heartless thing to Michael. Turning to Jon, Ryan glanced at Michael and back to Jon having a silent conversation. After a moment, Jon and Ryan both turned back to Michael._

_“Go home, clear your head. Telling everyone else can wait.” Ryan said._

_“We’ve got to get to the theatre for class, so we’ll catch you later.” Jon said, pulling Ryan along._

_Michael watched the two leave and started walking towards where he knew Ray, Tina, and Gavin would be. If one more person looked sorry for him because they were pretending to care, he would isolate himself and never speak to them again. As he approached, he could see they seemed to know what he was gonna say. God damn it, Gavin had that stupid sympathetic ‘I’m sorry you’re suffering’ look on his goddamn face. That was where he was drawing the line, no more if they were gonna pretend to care, then he wouldn’t even hang out with them anymore._

_“We saw Geoff, you doin’ okay, Michael?” Tina asked._

_“I don’t know, I just wanna go home and talk to my parents about it all. They don’t even know yet.” He said, rubbing his eyes. “So I’m just gonna go call my parents and tell them I’m not feeling well.” He added. “See you guys.” He said, waving as they walked away._

_Calling his parents, Michael hid in the girl’s bathroom and cried as he waited for someone to come get him. He looked up when someone else came in and he turned to look. Seeing that it was just an underclassman, he turned back to the sink and washed his face. Feeling his phone buzz, he glanced at it and went to greet his mother in the main office. After he was checked out, Michael left with his mother._

_“Michelle, honey, what’s wrong?” His mother asked._

_“Can we talk about it when we get home? I’d rather have dad there too.” He said, looking out the window._

_“Of course, sweetie.” She said._

_The drive home was silent, and Michael was fine with that. He glanced up at the sky and frowned. Why was the god damn sun out? Why was everyone so happy? Why should everyone else be happy when he wasn’t? Looking at his house when they parked, Michael waited a moment before climbing out. He sighed, going inside and sitting on the couch while his mother went to get his father._

_Fidgeting nervously when his parents came down, Michael looked to their faces. Shit, did they know what he was gonna tell them? Standing, Michael turned to look at them and looked down at his feet. He shuffled his feet for a moment before looking up. Opening his mouth to speak, he shut it again when his mother spoke up._

_“Michelle, honey. We think we know what’s bothering you, but we want you to confirm it for us.” She said._

_Swallowing, Michael nodded._

_“I don’t wanna be Michelle anymore…” He said, softly. “I wanna be Michael. I want to be a boy.” He added._

_“If that’s what you wanna be called, then that’s what we’ll call you.” His father said. “From today forward, you are now Michael Jones.”_

_Being flooded with a sense of relief, Michael hugged his parents and began to cry. Every story he’d ever heard on the internet had kids being kicked out after talking to their parents. Once he calmed down, Michael sat down to eat with his parents. Maybe he could live with knowing someone understood, even if it wasn’t his friends._

            Coming out of his flashback, Michael shook his head and settled down on his bed. Sometimes he missed being around his friends, sometimes he was glad because he still felt the glares form Geoff. Sighing as he decided to nap, Michael held a pillow close and sighed as he dozed off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I know it's not like Geoff to really be that way, but just wait. He'll come around. As always, any questions/concerns/input message me on tumbr at demonramsey and on twitter at scxrletdxvid


	3. Reconciliation?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael's friends are now trying to reconcile with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Chapter 3!  
> There's some texting in this chapter.   
> "Micoo" - Gavin's contact name for Michael  
> "Michael" - That's Geoff's   
> Just a note! ^_^

                Waking from his nap Michael rolled over and sat up, checking his phone. He was startled to find a series of texts from Gavin, who he hadn’t texted in months, in his notification tray He scrolled past it and checked his other stuff. He had Instagram likes, Facebook notifications, and some twitter notifications from people he followed. Sighing when he realized he couldn’t escape Gavin, he opened the messages.

**Gavino: _Micoo?_**

**Gavino: _Micoo please talk to me._**

**Gavino: _Micoo can we meet up? Please, we all want to see you, even Geoff. We think he’s come around and he wants to apologize._**

**Gavino: _Micoo please answer me, I miss you._**

            Michael stared at Gavin’s last message. ‘He misses me?’ He thought. He glanced to the picture of himself and Gavin just before Michael started feeling uncomfortable as a girl. They were smiling and laughing and he was on Gavin’s back. Hitting the text box below the thread, Michael began to reply.

**Micoo: _Hey, Gavin. I know it’s been months since we spoke, I’m sorry I’ve been so distant lately. I was scared and I wasn’t sure how to react to Geoff rejecting me like he did so I isolated myself. Even with that being said, I’m not sure if I’m ready to meet up yet. I mean I want to, but I feel like Geoff is just saying that so he can get me to trust him again, and then tear me down when I’m at my weakest point. The way I see it, Gav. If you all really wanted to see me, you’d all have come by to see me before now. I mean, I miss you too more than you’d ever know. But, until I can feel sure that Geoff has come around, I’m staying away from the group. Sorry._**

            After sending his reply to Gavin, Michael stood up and went down stairs to get food. Setting his phone on the counter, he opened the fridge and moved things around to find things to make dinner with since it was his night to make dinner. He heard his phone buzz three times, indicating he had three text messages. Grabbing stuff for breakfast for dinner, he set the stuff on the counter and picked up his phone

**Geoff: _Listen, Michael, I’m sorry for the way I acted. I met someone while I was angry at you. He actually attends our school now, his name is Jack and he gave me information on all of this. I understand now, and I’m sorry. I really miss you, bud and I wanna be friends again. By the way, I thought you should know I finally came out and my parents took it better than I thought, please come back to our group, we miss you at lunch._**

**The Risemonger: _Michael, please come back. We all miss you. I know it’s been a rough couple of months, and we haven’t been the best of friends. But we all miss you, we hope you come back._**

**Rye-Bread: _Michael, please just come back, we miss you._**

Reading over each message two or three times, Michael finally settled for replying to Geoff.

**Michael: _Hey, Geoff. Thanks for finally understanding and that’s great that your parents are accepting, but I’m still really hurt by the way you acted when I told you. I trusted you Geoff, you knew everything about me, you knew that I had a crush on Gavin, you knew that I knew that Jon and Ryan would end up together. I wanna come back, but until I feel like I’m not hurt by your reaction anymore, then maybe I’ll come back. Until then, I’m sorry._**

            Hitting send, Michael set his phone aside and began to fix dinner. He heard his phone buzz a couple of times with replies. He sighed and ignored it until he was done fixing dinner, setting the table and laying the serving platter with food on the table just as his parents came into the room. He picked up his phone and looked down at it.

**Gavino: _Micoo, please come back I really miss you, you were, and still are, my best friend. Micoo, it hasn’t been the same without you around. I’m lonely with you being away. Please, Micoo. Come back…._**

**Geoff: _Michael… I was stupid and I didn’t understand it. Please, Gavin’s been really down since you started isolating yourself. Michael, please come back to the group._**

Unable to bring himself to reply, Michael teared up. Was he playing the victim so far to an extent that Gavin was depressed? He wiped his eyes and sat down, doing his best to keep his parents from questioning him on what was bothering him. He ate quickly and went up to his room and opened up his Facebook. Seeing that Gavin was online he began a conversation.

**Michael Jones: _Gav?_**

**Gavin Free: _Micoo._**

**Michael Jones: _Hey, listen. I’m sorry. I know I’ve been a really big ass lately and I’m sorry._**

**Gavin Free: _No. No. It’s fine, Every one misses you._**

**Michael Jones: _I know; people have been texting me. You, Geoff, Jon, Ryan. I just got another set of texts, I bet it’s Ray and Tina._**

**Gavin Free: _Micoo, we just want you to come back. I want you to come back. We love you regardless of your gender._**

**Michael Jones: _I—Gavin, can you and I meet up tomorrow after school? Please, and I want it to be you and I. I really need to talk with you about things._**

**Gavin Free: _Of course, Micoo. The usual place behind the school?_**

**Michael Jones: _Yeah, thanks Gav._**

**Gavin Free: _Of course Micoo._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, if you have questions/input demonramsey is my tumblr and scxrletdxvid is my twitter.   
> Contact me there! ^_^


	4. Let the healing began

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael decides to rejoin his friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM ON A ROLL. I JUST ROLLED OUT THREE CHAPTERS TODAY. WHOO.   
> Also, there's some fluffy Risingwood~

                After his conversation with Gavin, Michael crawled into bed and settled down with his phone in hand. He began scrolling his twitter, liking a few tweets from people he followed and tweeting at a few people before he left the application and plugged his phone in. Remembering he had texts, he checked them.

**Ray: _Hey, Michael. I know you’re going through a lot right now, but we miss you buddy. Hope we can start talking again soon._**

**Tina: _Michael, I know you’re getting a lot of these lately, but we all miss you. Please return to the group soon. Gavin’s lonely without you._**

            Michael sighed once more and locked his phone as he sat it down. Rolling to face the wall where his desk was, he closed his eyes and allowed sleep to overcome his mind. He groaned awake to his alarm, sitting up. Crawling out of bed, he crossed the hall and grabbed his binder going back into his room and tossing it onto his bed before going to his closet and grabbing something to wear. Grabbing a set of clothes, he tossed them onto his bed and began to dress. Tugging his binder on, Michael fought to get it adjusted so it sat comfortably. Once that was done, he finished dressing and pulled a beanie on his head, deciding not to deal with his hair.

            After getting dressed, Michael went down to get breakfast. Sitting down, Michael loaded his plate with food and began to eat. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and decided to leave it until after breakfast. Once he was done and his plate was clean, Michael pulled out his phone to look at it.

**The Risemonger: _If you’re willing, Michael. We’re saving you a spot at our table at lunch. Just thought I’d let you know. –Ryan._**

            Seeing Ryan’s name at the end of the text from Jon’s phone, Michael couldn’t help but smile. It wasn’t unusual for them to just use the others phone to text their friends. Shaking his head, Michael stood up and grabbed his stuff for school, running out the door. He didn’t have a real reason to run, but he chose to anyway. Once he was at school, Michael went to his locker and grabbed his stuff for his first class. He smiled at Gavin when he saw him, and even waved some to Ray and Tina.

            Walking into class, Michael sat down in his seat and glanced around the room. He hummed a bit as he waited for the class to start. Drifting through his morning, Michael walked out into the court yard at lunch and allowed his eyes to drift to their usual table. Settling his eyes on Jon and Ryan he couldn’t help but smile. Ryan was leaning against the table, Jon’s legs resting on top of Ryan’s. Ryan was laughing as Jon was reading something off his phone, Michael was too far away to hear what was being said but judging from how hard Ryan was laughing it seemed to be really funny. Leaning up to kiss Ryan’s cheek, Jon wrapped his arms around Ryan’s shoulders, laughter bubbling from his chest when Ryan picked him up bridal style after spotting Michael.

            Michael moved over so Ryan didn’t have to move away from their table and risk losing the best table in the court yard. He dropped his stuff to the ground and sat his lunch on the table. He stayed silent as he watched Jon and Ryan, the two bumping noses and smiling. Ever since the two had started dating, he noticed that Ryan was happier and laughing more often. Ryan sat Jon back to his feet and they both sat back down, Jon tucking against Ryan’s side, just as everyone else came over.

“So you took up the offer to sit with us.” Ryan and Jon said.

“I have to forgive and forget sometime, don’t I?” Michael asked, adjusting in his seat

“Micoo!” Gavin said, launching himself at the other male.

Grunting as he caught Gavin, he smiled some as he hugged him.

“Hi, Gavin.” He said, releasing the other.

“Dude! You’re back!” Geoff and Ray said, grinning.

“Yeah. I am.” He said, nodding.

“Michael!” Tina said, smiling.

“Tina!” He added.

“How are you?” Jack asked

“I’m great, thanks for asking.” He added.

            Quickly falling into conversation with everyone, Michael felt like nothing ever changed and that warmed his heart. Laughing at one of Gavin’s stupid questions, Michael leaned onto his hand. He smiled sadly as he watched everyone after Gavin stood and left to take a phone call. Everyone seemed to have everyone but him, he knew he could if he’d just man up and tell Gavin. Maybe he could tell him after school? No, no he shouldn’t do that, Gavin might hate him and avoid him for the rest of the year. After school, Michael met up with Gavin and sat down behind the school.

“You said you wanted to talk?” Gavin asked.

Sighing, Michael began to speak.

“Look, I’ve been an ass to all of you, especially you, Gavin. You didn’t deserve how I treated you and I am so sorry for treating you that way to begin with. You’re still my best friend and if you’ll allow it, I wanna start clean and not have to worry about our past getting in the way of our friendship.” He said.

“That would be top!” Gavin said. “Micoo, you and I, we’re starting fresh. What do you say? Bois?” He asked, offering Michael a hug.

“Bois.” Michael said, hugging Gavin.

            ‘Tell him. Tell him right now.’ Michael thought to himself, deciding against it. Michael pulled back, and stood up, helping Gavin up. Gavin gestured towards the path they used to take when they walked towards Michael’s house. Nodding, Michael smiled and began walking towards his place. The walk seemed to be short, the two making offhand comments here and there, Gavin making stupid comments that made Michael laugh. Michael was glad that he decided to become friends with everyone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always if you have questions/input demonramsey.tumblr.com or @scxrletdxvid on twitter. <3


	5. Self hatred sets in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael's self hatred is back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Chapter Five!  
> There's a little bit of self hatred with gender dysphoria.

               The next day at school, Michael officially met Jack. He hadn’t done it at lunch the previous day because he was always with Geoff. Allowing Jack to pull him aside, he let himself be lead to the courtyard during the free period they had before lunch. Normally, Michael would be walking a few blocks to get lunch, but he figured he could sacrifice it to meet Geoff’s boyfriend officially.

“I know this isn’t ideal, but Geoff said I should talk to you.” Jack said. “Look, Michael, I know what you’re going through. The mental struggle, the doubt in your mind, all of it.” He added.

“How Jack?” Michael asked. “No one in this school seems to understand.” He said.

“Because my real name is Jacqueline.” He said.

Michael’s eyes widened some. “You’re-?”

“I’m transgender, yes.” Jack said, nodding.

“Not everyone at my old school understood it, but my parents did and I was thankful. When I moved here, and met your friends, they said that you needed someone to talk to, but I had to talk to Geoff first, get him open minded about it all. So I did, I gave him stuff to read and I saw him change, Michael. He became open minded and he wanted to apologize, give him the chance to do so, Okay?” Jack said.

            Nodding since he was unable to speak, Michael hugged Jack and smiled. Finally muttering a thanks, Michael stepped back and ran off, spotting Geoff he went over and hugged him, saying nothing for a long time. When he finally pulled back, Michael looked at Geoff.

“I’m so sorry, Geoff.” Michael said, hugging him again. “I’m so sorry for treating you so horribly. Jack told me you changed and I’m so sorry.” He added.

“Whoa, Michael. It’s okay. I should be apologizing for how I acted when you told me.” Geoff said.

“I forgive you, Geoff. I’ll come back to the group, I’m ready.” Michael said.

Ruffling Michael’s hair, Geoff smiled and they sat down.

“Everyone will be joining right about now.” Geoff said.

“Michael!” Everyone said when they came up, crowding around him in a group hug.

“I’m back.” He said, laughing.

“Glad you’re back buddy.” Ray said, sitting down.

“It feels good to be back.” Michael said.

            Settling back into the group like nothing happened, Michael smiled as they started talking, occasionally arguing with Gavin over something stupid like they used to do. Even with everyone around him, Michael still felt uncomfortable. He knew because he was still in a female body, his period was due to hit soon and he hated it, it made his gender dysphoria flare up and he shifted in his seat. Keeping the smile on his face, Michael nodded and laughed when Gavin asked another stupid question.

            Sure enough, two days later Michael was cramping and in pain, he sat down at lunch and immediately laid his head down. He glared at anyone who tried to touch him and even went so far as to snap at people. Understanding what Michael was trying to convey, everyone gave him space. Michael groaned some and dialed his mom, wanting to go home due to the immense pain he was in. After being picked up, Michael curled up on his bed and didn’t move for a while. Digging under his bed, Michael pulled his journal out and sat up. Opening it to a fresh page, Michael began to write with a shaking hand.

_April 16 th 2015,_

_Why am I forced to live in this stupid body? I hate myself, every time I look in a mirror I don’t see Michael Jones, I see Michelle Jones and I hate her. She’s not me, Michael Jones is who I am and I can’t be that until I get rid of this stupid female body. I’m tired of fighting with my binder every morning, I’m tired of having to constantly make sure I’m not on my period. I just want to be a guy, I don’t wanna be a girl. Why can’t I be a guy? My life would be easier if I was who I’m supposed to be. I know I’m being really repetitive in my writing, but this is what’s on my mind. My mind is constantly circling around that one thought. Why. Can’t. I. Be. A. Guy? –Michael_

            Setting the journal on his bedside table, Michael grabbed his laptop and checked his Facebook to see if anyone was online. He clicked on Gavin’s name with tears in his eyes, and left the chat window open for when the little green dot popped next to Gavin’s name. He was scrolling his news feed when he finally saw it pop up. Opening the chat window, Michael began to type.

**Michael Jones: _I don’t really know why I’m talking to you about this when I should be talking to Jack, but I don’t really know Jack as well as I know you. I just…Fuck, Gavin I hate myself. Every day I put on a smile but I’m really just suffering in my own head. It fucking sucks and I just wish it would stop. You don’t have to reply to this, I’m just doing this to rant to someone._**

**Gavin Free: _Hey Micoo, Calm down. It’s fine that you ranted to me. Micoo, if you feel that way you need to start talking to us, let us help you anyway we can. We’re your friends, we’re here to help you. Remember Micoo – We love you._**

**Michael Jones: _I know you guys are here for me, I just… sometimes it’s hard for me to put what I’m feeling in words._**

Beginning to type the words ‘I love you’ to Gavin, Michael shook his head and back spaced them, hitting enter on his message.

**Gavin Free: _Just remember that we’re always here for you, okay?_**

**Michael Jones: _Okay Gav, thanks for listening to me._**

**Gavin Free: _Of course, Micoo. I know you’d do the same for me._**

            After calming down during his conversation with Gavin, Michael stood and went to shower. He stripped down and started the water, waiting for the water to warm up he pulled the sheet down from his mirror and stared at himself in it. When it started to fog up, Michael covered it back up and climbed into the shower. Sometimes, Michael had to remember he had friends to lean on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always questions/input demonramsey.tumblr.com or @scxrletdxvid on twitter


	6. Transitioning?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael's finally brave enough to talk to his friends about how he feels about everything. When he gets the suggestion to finally talk to his parents he over hears some information he really likes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY! I got super busy and forgot to post this. Now I have some free time and can post it.  
> Anyway...  
> Here's chapter 6 Enjoy! <3

                After showering and dressing, Michael crawled into bed and curled up for a while, messing with his phone. When his parents called for dinner, Michael crawled out of bed and went down to eat. Pushing his food around, Michael stared at his plate rather than eating it.

“Michael, honey. I know you’re feeling horrible, but you need to eat something.” His mother said.

“I’m not hungry.” He said. “Cramps kind of take away an appetite.” He added.

“Michael, honey, are you experiencing gender dysphoria?” She asked.

            Michael tensed up when he heard the words come from his mother’s mouth. Had it really been that obvious it was rolling off him in waves? He swallowed hard and set his fork down as he searched for the words to say. Unable to find anything to say, Michael simply nodded and kept his eyes on his plate.

“May I be excused?” Michael asked.

“Of course, Michael.” His father said.

            Michael stood up and went to his room, leaving his plate on the table. Opening the door to his room, Michael stepped inside and closed the door. Once his door was closed he laid on his bed and sobbed. He knew they were only asking because they were concerned, but still he never wanted them to know how he felt, he always thought he could deal with it alone. His mind swirled back to what Gavin said and he sat up and grabbed his laptop. Starting a group chat with everyone he was friends with he began to tell them how he felt.

**Michael Jones: _I know this is a little sudden, but I really wanted you guys to know how I felt because I know you guys are always concerned for me. Here it goes. I’m going through gender dysphoria._**

**Geoff Ramsey: _Gender dysphoria?_**

**Jack Pattillo: _the condition of feeling one's emotional and psychological identity as male or female to be opposite to one's biological sex_**

**Gavin Free: _Yeah, what Jack said, I just googled it. That’s what Google told me._**

**Ryan Haywood: _Michael have you considered asking about completely transitioning? I mean I have no idea what you’re feeling, but just looking at that definition that Jack sent up that could be the best option. Even Jon agrees with me._**

**Michael Jones: _I’ve been looking at people’s stories and how much it cost them, and I’m scared guys, it costs so much for that stuff. I’m scared that my parents are going to say no because they can’t afford it._**

**Gavin Free: _Michael, I’m sure we can all find some way to help your parents pay for it, we care about you Michael._**

**Jon Risinger: _Michael, seriously. We care about you; we want you to be comfortable._**

**Michael Jones: _I’ll talk about it with my parents, but I doubt they’re really gonna be able to pay for it._**

**Gavin Free: _Like I said Micoo, we can all ask our parents to help you. I’ve been talking with my parents about this all to get a better understanding and they said that if you need anything they’d be willing to help you, please let us help._**

**Michael Jones: _Gavin, I really can’t ask you or your parents to do that._**

**Gavin Free: _Micoo, please…_**

Chewing his lip, Michael sat staring at their conversation watching the others offer help just after Gavin offered help. He switched tabs and tuned out the repetitive notification of his friends messaging back and forth. He turned his desk chair back and forth for a moment before flipping back to his group conversation with his friends.

**Michael Jones: _I’m gonna talk with my parents, be back soon._**

Giving his friends no chance to reply, Michael went down stairs to see if his parents were still in their living room. He paused when he heard them talking about something, furrowing his brow he tried to listen to their conversation. When he couldn’t hear him, he moved into the room quietly, listening to them talk.

“He hasn’t really asked anything about it, but do you think we should try to raise the money for him to fully transition?” His mother asked.

“I don’t know; I mean it would probably make Michael much happier.” His father said.

“I feel like we should start looking at it and talk to some to doctors.” She said.

            Even just hearing that part of their conversation, Michael went back up to his room and sat down at his laptop. He pulled his Facebook page back up and read over any missed messages. With shaking hands, he began to type pausing every so often to wipe his eyes and back space to correct any mistakes he made.

**Michael Jones: _I just heard my parents talking about letting me transition fully._**

**Jon Risinger: _And?_**

**Michael Jones: _They’re looking into pricing and talking to doctors and oh my god, guys this may be happening. Guys, I think I’ll be transitioning soon!_**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, you can give me questions/input at demonramsey.tumblr.com and on twitter at lovelylilmicoo


	7. Mistakes are made.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavino: Micoo
> 
> Gavino: Micoo, please answer me.
> 
> Gavino: Micoo, this isn’t funny, please answer me.
> 
> Gavino: Michael was that a joke?
> 
> Gavino: Michael, please don’t be an ass like that. Because that’s not funny.
> 
> Gavino: Mihcael. Why would you do something like that? Yoi know how much atht hurts?
> 
> Gavino: I guess that’s it then? You’re gonna tell me you love me and then just stop talking to me? If that’s how you’re gonna play then I don’t wanna be friends anymore. I’ll make sure everyone knows what you’ve done, Michael Jones, you hear me? I’ll make sure you DON’T get the money you need.
> 
> Gavino: Goodbye Michael Jones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken so long to get out. I've had A LOT of laptop issues. :/ Plus college really kicks ass. Anyway here it is! 
> 
> Gavin may be a little ooc towards the end? Sorry guys!

**Ryan Haywood: _Michael, are you serious?_**

**Michael Jones: _Completely, Ryan I heard them discussing it._**

**Gavin Free: _That’s top news, boi!_**

**Michael Jones: _They’re coming upstairs; I’ll check back in later guys. Bye!_**

            Once again, Michael gave his friends no chance to say goodbye before he turned his desk chair around and greeted his parents. Taking a moment before they made it up the stairs, he bounced in his chair, hiding a small noise of excitement. He smiled as they opened the door, leaning back in his chair.

“Michael, honey?” His mother asked.

“What’s up mom?” He asked, twisting back and forth in his desk chair.

“We know you’ve been feeling really out of place in your skin, so we started talking, and well-” His father started but was interrupted by his mother.

“We’re going to start looking into getting you fully transitioned.” She said.

“You’re serious?!” Michael asked, hopping up.

“Of course, we are.” They said. “But first, we have to start talking to a hormone doctor, and get your hormones in line with those of a males.”

            Michael fell silent after that, sitting back down in his chair. He covered his mouth when he began to sob, unable to quite express how he felt about the whole situation. He looked up at his parents and smiled, standing up. He hugged them both, smiling brightly. He kissed both of their cheeks in thanks and sat down, turning to his laptop.

**Gavin Free: _So, what’s the verdict?_**

**Ryan Haywood: _Are you getting what you need done?_**

**Michael Jones: _Of course I am! They’re going to start looking for people who can get me on the correct hormones, and people that can give us pricing for the total cost of transitioning completely._**

**Geoff Ramsey: _If you’ll give a price, I’m sure we could set up a gofundme page?_**

**Michael Jones: _You guys really don’t have to set one up, I’m sure my parents will be okay just saving up money to get me where I want to be._**

**Tina Dayton: _Michael, we’re your friends. Let us do at least that much for you?_**

**Ray Narvaez Jr: _Tina’s right, Michael. We owe it to you, honestly._**

**Michael Jones: _Okay, as soon as I have a price, I’ll let you know._**

            After a few hours of talking, everyone left one by one and went to bed eventually leaving Michael and Gavin alone in the chat. Michael sat staring at his screen, watching Gavin send up message after message of ranting about almost being hit by a car on his way home from school. Michael laughed some, leaning against his desk. He opened up the private chat for him and Gavin, the collar of his night shirt in his mouth.

 **Michael Jones:** _ **This may just be coming out because it’s late at night and I’m really enjoying hearing you talk, but I have to get it off my chest now. Gavin, I really wish I could get the courage to tell you how I felt, but every time that I start to, I chicken out and it sucks, but here it goes. I love you Gavin, you make me smile with your goofy humor, and your stupid questions make me laugh, and even your stupid comments too. I wish I could just tell you in person, but I can’t and it sucks. I’m sitting at my laptop writing it in a chat box… even then I won’t hit send. I know I won’t hit send because I’m just gonna leave it sitting in the chat box. I love you Gav, G’night.**_  
  
            Michael leaned back, watching the other chat he was in with all his friends. He stood up after getting tired and typing a good night message, he hit send in the chat and switched to the other and made a move to back space, but hit enter instead and fell back in his chair and stared with wide eyes. He quickly closed his laptop when he saw the typing dots come up. He drew his knees up and covered his face in embarrassment, he heard one more ding from the chat before his computer went to sleep, which would display him offline.

**Gavin Free: _Wait! Micoo come back!_**

Crawling into bed, Michael stared at his ceiling, still embarrassed. He rolled to one side and ignored his text tone constantly dinging. He closed his eyes and went to sleep, hoping he could wake up to a clear head, and Gavin forgetting about the whole thing. He snoozed his alarm, when it went off the next morning, sliding his hand back under his blanket and hugging his pillow. He uncovered himself and sat up, checking his phone.

**Gavino: _Micoo_**

**Gavino: _Micoo, please answer me._**

**Gavino: _Micoo, this isn’t funny, please answer me._**

**Gavino: _Michael was that a joke?_**

**Gavino: _Michael, please don’t be an ass like that. Because that’s not funny._**

**Gavino: _Mihcael. Why would you do something like that? Yoi know how much atht hurts?_**

**Gavino: _I guess that’s it then? You’re gonna tell me you love me and then just stop talking to me? If that’s how you’re gonna play then I don’t wanna be friends anymore. I’ll make sure everyone knows what you’ve done, Michael Jones, you hear me? I’ll make sure you DON’T get the money you need._**

**Gavino: _Goodbye Michael Jones._**

Michael stared at his messages and teared up, he felt sick to his stomach and he wanted to die. He’d just made amends with all his friends and now they were going to hate him again because of some mistake. He didn’t even want to know how everyone was going to act towards him and all because of some stupid mistake. He sat down at his laptop and looked at his friends list, Gavin had blocked him. He saw Ryan was on, maybe Ryan could get the message across.

**Michael Jones: _Ryan (or Jon, whoever’s on Ryan’s phone), I fucked up last night and sent a message to Gavin, I panicked and went offline and went to sleep without responding to him. Ryan, Jon please you have to believe me when I say it’s a mistake. I’m such and idiot. Please, help me. Please please please please please._**

**Ryan Haywood: _Whoa, Michael, Calm down, it’s Jon. Ryan and I are coming over, just stay calm okay?_**

**Michael Jones: _Oh god, Jon I feel like an ass, you should see all the texts he sent me. I made a mistake, and I’ll never fix it because he hates me. I’m so stupid Jon._**

**Ryan Haywood: _Michael, calm down. Please. We’ll find a way to fix this, okay? It’s just one mistake._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions/Comments/Concerns?  
> Tumblr: deathbyglamourdarling  
> Twitter: neptunewukong


	8. Friendships falling apart?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [You have blocked this number]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo, Chapter 8! 
> 
> Future Note: When there's texting, and it's all from Michael's side it'll come up as 'Michael Vincent Jones' showing that's how he has himself in his phone

“I fucked up, I panicked and didn’t reply and I hurt him.” Michael said, sitting with his knees drawn up. “I’m pretty sure everyone else hates me now.” He added, falling back into his pillows.

            Michael winced at the rapid dinging of his text messages, afraid to look at them. Despite his phone being in his hand, Michael made no move to check it. He hardly registered Jon plucking it from his hand and looking at it for him.

**Geoff: _Michael, please tell me you weren’t intending on hurting Gavin._**

**Ray: _Michael dude, what the hell? What you did was low._**

**Tina: _Michael, Fix this, now!_**

**Gavino: _I really hate you right now, Michelle Jones._**

Jon showed Ryan the last text message, which spurred Ryan’s anger to flare up. He handed Michael his phone back, which caused Michael to catch a glance of Gavin’s text message. He laid down and curled up in a ball, covering his face as he teared up. Jon sat down next to Michael rubbing his back, looking at Ryan.

“Gavin is hell bent on making Michael’s life a living hell.” Jon said, sighing.

“What are we gonna do? Gavin’s convinced Michael was playing a joke.” Ryan said, crossing his arms.

“The only thing we can do, protect Michael.” Jon said, looking at Michael.

            Ryan nodded once he heard what Jon said, going to turn down the pictures of Gavin on Michael’s bedside table. He joined Jon next to Michael and looked at him before standing up. He clenched his fists, determined to fix what was going on.

“Stay here with Michael, I’ll be back soon.” He said.

            Leaving Jon to comfort Michael, Ryan left and climbed into his pickup heading towards Gavin’s place. He clenched his steering wheel tightly, his anger still high. He pulled into Gavin’s place and got out, knocking on the door. When Gavin answered, he stepped inside shutting the door behind him.

“Gavin, I could hurt you right now.” Ryan said, backing Gavin against the wall. “Michael is a mess because of you. He tried to explain it when he woke up and you blocked him. He messaged me in a panic because of what you said to him. Not to mention you used his dead name and now he doesn’t want to do anything. He wasn’t joking, he panicked and went to sleep to calm down, figuring he could explain it in the morning. But he can’t because you decided to be a douchebag and pull this shit! As far as I’m concerned, you’re a piece of shit Gavin. Telling him he won’t get the money he needs. You know what, fuck you Gavin Free. I’ll make sure Michael gets his surgery.” He added, walking out as soon as he finished.

            After Ryan left, Gavin stood in shock. Was Michael really that upset over what had happened? Gavin swallowed some and went upstairs to get his shoes, pulling them on and beginning to walk towards Michael’s place. He needed to fix this, and fix it quickly. He knocked on the door to Michael’s house as soon as he was there, looking down. He looked up when the door opened and it was Michael at the door.

“Micoo?” He asked softly, wincing when the door slammed shut in his face.

Hearing muffled voices on the inside and footsteps, Gavin looked up when the door reopened.

“Gavin, look. I know you wanna apologize, but you really hurt him and he’s not ready to forgive you yet.” Michael’s mother said.

“I never wanted to hurt him.” Gavin said. “Just let him know that I’m really sorry for what I’ve done.” He added, turning and walking away.

            Michael watched Gavin leave from the window, going to sit on the couch. He wouldn’t forgive Gavin any time soon for what he’d done. He was angry at Gavin, the other male hadn’t given him any chance to apologize and explain himself. He’d jumped to conclusions and assumed things and Michael hated that. He turned on the television, leaning back. He looked over when Ryan and Jon both sat down on either side of him and hugged him. He laid his head on Ryan’s shoulder when he was released, drawing his knees up while Jon took his hand. He looked to both of the males as brothers and it wasn’t unusual to find them comforting him in this way.

            After a few shitty television reruns, Michael finally let the other two males go out on their planned date and he went up to his bedroom. He picked up his laptop and carried it to his bed, sitting down. He opened it up, sighing some. He checked his messages on his Facebook and was shocked to see one from Gavin. He opened it up and read over it.

**Gavin Free: _Michael, please. You have to understand how sorry I am. I never meant to hurt you. I feel awful for what I’ve done. I never wanted to hurt you in such a way. I’m sorry Michael, for everything. The threats, the dead name. All of it. Please, I just want my best friend back. Michael…please._**

**Michael Jones: _No. Bye Gavin._**

            Michael closed out the chat and exited out of Facebook, setting his laptop on the empty side of his bed after pulling up Netflix. He picked back up with watching Black Butler, curling up on his side. He picked up his phone when it dinged, reading over the message he got from Gavin.

**Gavino: _Michael, why won’t you forgive me? I’m doing everything in my power to make up for what I’ve done to hurt you and you’re making it damn hard to do. Honestly, you’re being immature over something stupid._**

Rolling his eyes, Michael replied to Gavin.

**Michael Vincent Jones: _No, Gavin. I’m really not, you’re an asshole that jumped to conclusions, blocked me, and then used my dead name. So that makes YOU immature, Gavin. I went to sleep to clear my head and you couldn’t even wait that long to talk it over. You said you’d make sure that everyone hates me, and so far, that’s the impression I’m getting from Geoff, Jack, Ray, and Tina. Because none of them have contacted me to make sure I’M okay, because I’ve made statuses that clearly state how I’m feeling over it all. As long as you continue to be immature, I don’t think I wanna be your best friend anymore. Bye Gavin._**

**[You have blocked this number]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always.  
> Questions/Comments/Concerns  
> tumblr; deathbyglamourdarling  
> twitter; neptunewukong


	9. New Romances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t be sorry, it was my fault. I hurt you and I was wrong to do so. I should have waited.” Gavin said. “You mean the world to me Michael Jones, and I never want to hurt you again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter makes it all better. <3

            After blocking Gavin’s number, Michael sat his phone down and put his attention on the show that was playing on his Netflix, he backed it up a few minutes and waited for it to load and gave the screen his undivided attention. He sighed and shut his laptop when he grew bored with Netflix and he didn’t want to bother with Facebook. He rolled over and grabbed his phone, deciding to play a few games. He grew irritated when he saw messages pop up that were clearly meant to be rude just because he blocked Gavin. Getting on Facebook, Michael left a status for all of his friends to read.

**_You want me to come back, and I do. But when I do everything goes to shit, seems like you’re nearly all against me and what I’ve done, how do you expect me to take this whole thing when he’s the one being immature? You’re all, save for Ryan and Jon, being really immature at this point. I thought you were all better than this, clearly you’re not. If you’re not gonna be mature about this whole thing, then fine. I’m done with all of you, I’m never returning to the friend group and you can thank that stupid immature douchebag side of yourselves. Glad we could all be friends while I was a girl. Peace out._ **

            He tossed his phone aside and listened to the Facebook notifications flood in, closing his eyes he dozed off only to wake when his phone rang. He sighed and rolled over to look at the contact, answering when he saw it was Ryan. He sat up and stretched out, sighing once more.

“What?” Michael asked.

“Michael, please don’t do this. We just got you back.” Ryan said.

Michael rolled his eyes and laid back. “Well, when everyone stops being immature, I’ll be back, until then, I’m sitting on my own at lunch.” He said. “Sorry, Rye-Bread.” He added.

            After talking with Ryan for an hour, Michael decided to just go back to sleep. He slowly began to doze off, finally falling asleep. He slept straight through to the next day, sighing as he woke. He picked up his phone and plugged it in since it was nearly dead. He set it down and sat up, going to shower. Once he finished his shower, Michael went back over to his phone, picking it up and reading some of the Facebook comments. He sat down on his bed and read them, sighing as he locked his phone.

            Getting dressed, Michael went downstairs and sat down on the couch. He flipped through channels idly before he gave up and settled on reruns of some shitty kids television show. He knew he zoned out, because the next time Michael came back to reality his phone was ringing again. He answered it without looking at the contact number, he froze when he heard the familiar British accent.

“Michael please, don’t hang up. Let me talk.” Gavin said. “Look I’m really sorry and I never meant to hurt you, and you’re right I was being immature and I shouldn’t have been. I should have calmed down and waited for you to come back online so we could talk, but I let my emotions get the better of me and I’m sorry. Michael, please. I love you, and I miss you. Please don’t leave us again.” He added.

            Finding himself unable to speak, Michael began to sob after Gavin’s apology. It was all he had wanted to hear from Gavin, and now he had it. He heard Gavin telling him to calm down, so Michael wouldn’t get sick. Michael was glad that someone finally apologized, because now he knew at least someone was being mature in the whole situation. Calming down, Michael finally wiped his eyes and spoke.

“Gavin, that’s all I wanted to hear. I just wanted someone to apologize, I needed someone to be mature. I love and miss you too Gavin. I miss you so bad it hurts, so many times I’ve to unblock your number and just let it all out through text message. I miss you so much Gavin. Please come over.” Michael said.

“I’m on my way, Michael.” Gavin said, hanging up.

            After Gavin hung up and Michael unblocked his number and waited for Gavin to show up, once he heard the knock he stood and opened the door. He immediately threw his arms around Gavin’s neck and hugged him, beginning to sob once more. He felt Gavin hug him back and let him cry. Michael finally calmed down and looked up at Gavin, locking eyes with the Brit.

            Without realizing what he was doing, Michael sat his hands on Gavin’s face and pulled him down. Leaning up some, Michael pressed his lips against Gavin’s, closing his eyes. Gavin pulled Michael close, closing his own eyes as well. Michael tilted his head, his arms wrapping around Gavin’s neck as they kissed. After a long moment, Michael pulled back and stared at Gavin. Unable to stop himself, Michael kissed Gavin again wanting to make sure he got his feelings across to the other male.

            After a few more moments, Gavin pulled away and set his forehead against Michaels his eyes still closed. Michael couldn’t help but smile as he held onto Gavin. The two stood a completely comfortable silence. Neither made a move to speak or pull apart, both content to be in the other’s arms. After a moment, Michael finally pulled away and looked at Gavin once more.

“I love you so much.” Michael whispered, setting a hand on Gavin’s face. “I never meant to make you freak out like that, I panicked and didn’t know what to do. I was going to explain myself the next morning, but everything went downhill from there. I’m so sorry.” He added, voice breaking.

“Don’t be sorry, it was my fault. I hurt you and I was wrong to do so. I should have waited.” Gavin said. “You mean the world to me Michael Jones, and I never want to hurt you again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always  
> comments/questions/concerns  
> tumblr: thisisgospelforthebmvagabond  
> twitter: neptunewukong


	10. Getting Surgery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin laughed a little and leaned down to kiss his forehead. “Get some rest, you need it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hi! Chapter 10! <3

That summer, Michael was finally presented with the hormones he needed to get his body working to align with his desired gender. He felt sick after the first few times, but the more times he took his hormone shots, the more he began to notice the changes, his voice had gotten lower, and his period had stopped. His friends could see that Michael was much happier, and it wasn’t just because of Gavin. By the time the next school year rolled around, Michael was almost ready to completely transition.

“Do you know when you’ll be able to completely transition?” Ryan asked, shifting some.

“Doctors say if everything works out right, and we get the money on time, most likely Christmas break.” Michael said, leaning against Gavin.

            The size of their friend group had gone down, leaving just Gavin, Michael, Ray, Jon, and Tina all at school, since Geoff, Ryan, and Jack had all graduated in the previous year. Since they were all not in school together anymore and the school had open campus lunch, they usually all met up for lunch at a local restaurant. Michael sighed some as he shifted, stretching out and then settling back down.

“I mean, I’m excited, don’t get me wrong. But I just don’t think spending Christmas break in the hospital recovering from surgery is gonna be ideal.” Michael said, scrunching his nose.

“Don’t be so down, Micoo, we’ll come visit!” Gavin said, kissing his cheek.

“I know that, but still. I’m gonna be high as fuck on pain killers.” Michael said, smiling.

            Despite being all smiles with his friends, Michael couldn’t help but worry every time he checked his GoFundMe page, they were inching closer to the desired goal, but they were nowhere near what he was wishing to be. Sighing as he closed out the tab, Michael leaned back in his chair and rubbed his eyes. He sighed and sat still for a moment before standing up and going to bed. Maybe he could wake up and stop stressing. When he woke the next morning and checked his GoFundMe, Michael went wide eyed.

“MOM! DAD!” He called, hearing them come up the stairs. “Look at this!” He said, laughing.

“Oh my god, Michael. We have the money.” His mother said. “That means we can get you surgery!” She laughed.

            When he went to school that morning, nothing seemed to bother Michael. He kept a smile plastered on his face. When he met up with Gavin he hugged him tightly and smiled when the other hugged back. He leaned up to meet with Gavin, when the Brit leaned down, gladly accepting the kiss being offered.

“So I have news.” Michael said, taking his hand and smiling.

“Well, what is it?” Gavin asked.

“I get my surgery during Christmas break.” Michael said, smiling.

“That’s great!” Gavin said, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

            After telling Gavin, Michael told everyone else and they seemed to react the exact same way as Gavin did. Michael felt satisfied knowing he had people who loved him and supported him, as well as people who kept him cheered up when he felt down. Even despite all that, Michael found himself growing more nervous the closer his surgery got. The night before his surgery Michael found himself restless, it didn’t matter how much he tossed and turned, he couldn’t sleep. Finally falling asleep, Michael allowed himself to relax and forget his worries, only waking when his mother came in to get him up. Yawning, Michael didn’t bother to change out of his pajamas seeing no point in doing so.

            He got a bit more sleep on the way to the hospital, waking when they parked and got out. Bouncing his knee as he waited to be called back, Michael messed with his phone, Gavin was still sleeping, having opted to stay with Ray, while his family went back to England, so he could be there for Michael. He stood up when they called him back, his parents following behind him. After what seemed like hours, Michael was finally prepped for surgery. He held his mother’s hand while waiting for the doctor.

“I’m so nervous.” Michael said, hands shaking.

“You’ll be fine, sweet heart, everyone will be here when you wake up. Don’t worry about it.” His mother said, kissing his forehead.

            Reassured by his mother’s words, Michael nodded and did his best to relax when the nurse came to take him back to surgery. Michael stared at the ceiling as they took him back, his mind swirling around Gavin. He closed his eyes and willed himself not to cry, despite his fear of not waking up setting in. Michael opened his eyes when they entered the OR and looked around, he told himself to stay calm and keep focused on what was happening and why it was good. Slowly, the world began to fade around Michael as they put him under the anesthesia.

            When Michael came to, he felt weightless almost like he could walk on water. Finally, faces started flowing into his vision. He smiled when he saw his parents standing with all his friends, and was even happier when they smiled back. He set a hand on his head and made a move to sit up, but decided against it when he felt the bandages around his body.

“I can’t feel anything.” Michael said, groaning.

“That’s because you’re on some heavy pain killers, love. They said you would be for a while until they knew you wouldn’t hurt.” Gavin said. “They’re splitting it into two surgeries rather than tackling it all as one whole surgery. They want to make sure you heal completely after the top surgery before they do the bottom surgery.” He added.

Michael simply nodded before speaking, not noticing Gavin recording him. “You know, you really have a nice accent.” Michael said. “Plus you’re really cute. You wanna go out sometime? I mean, if you already have a boyfriend that’s okay. I just think you’re like super cute and I wanna take you out on a date.” He added.

Gavin simply smiled and looked at Michael. “You’re my boyfriend, silly.” He said.

“No way, really!?” Michael asked. “Wow, I’m really lucky then, I wake up from surgery and gain a boyfriend.” He said.

Gavin laughed a little and leaned down to kiss his forehead. “Get some rest, you need it.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always;  
> Questions/comments/concerns  
> tumblr; thisisgospelforthebmvagabond  
> twitter; neptunewukong


	11. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You wanna talk about it?” 
> 
> “Not really...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out!  
> But here it is! Enjoy it!<3

                Michael groaned awake a few hours later, vaguely remembering that he was still in the hospital. He sat up despite his body screaming at him to lay back down. “Gav?” He asked, looking around. He picked up the note sitting beside his bed and read it.

_‘Gone for food, back soon. -Gav’_

            Michael laid back down and relaxed, picking up his phone and checking his social media. He laughed at something tweeted to him by Ray and retweeted it. He set his phone down afterwards and tried to imagine what his life would be had no one accepted him. Shivering at the thought, Michael brought himself to reality and smiled at the nurse who came in to check on him.

            Shortly after his nurse left, Gavin walked in carrying food. Michael made a happy noise and made grabby hands at the food. Laughing, Gavin set the bag down and handed Michael the salad and water he got him. Michael was thankful for Gavin getting him something to eat even if it wasn’t his first choice of a burger and fries.

“You’re the best.” Michael said.

“I had to ask the doctor first, he gave me the okay and I went for food.” Gavin replied.

Michael simply hummed as he ate in silence. He stared at Gavin while the brit ate, trying to imagine what would have happened had they stayed mad at each other. Noticing that Gavin was staring at him, he smiled at him and took another bite of his food.

“Something on your mind, Love?” Gavin asked.

“Just trying to imagine what this would be like if we were still fighting and angry at each other.” Michael commented, shuddering at the though.

“Please don’t make me think about it, I’ve done it once and I hated it.” Gavin said, frowning

“I won’t.” Michael said, holding his hand out to Gavin.

Gavin smiled and took Michael’s hand, locking their fingers together. “You are the best thing to happen to me, Michael.” He said.

Michael blushed some and smiled. “You’re the best thing to happen to me to, Gavin.” Michael replied.

            Sitting in silence after that, Michael and Gavin ate still holding hands. They looked over when the others came in to check up on Michael. Michael set his fork down and freed his hand to adjust to make room on the bed for people to sit at the foot. He chatted with everyone for a while before making a face when the pain killers wore off. He hadn’t been hurting when he woke up, so they’d been given to him while he was asleep.

            Alerting the nurses, Michael laid back and closed his eyes. He did his best to keep calm while waiting, making a face in pain. He looked at the nurse when she came in and gave him a fresh dose of pain killers.

“You’ll be discharged in the morning, when we’re sure the pain is minimal.” The nurse said.

“Thank you.” Michael said.

            The next morning, Michael was discharged and sent home to finish recovering there. He settled down on the couch and wrapped in a blanket, scrolling mindlessly through Netflix. He stood up when there was a knock and opened the door. He smiled at Ray and Tina and stepped aside to let them inside, then went to sit back down.

“What’s up?” He asked.

“Just figured you could use some company, Gavin will be over soon. He had to run home and get a fresh change of clothes.” Ray said.

Michael nodded. “Alright.” He replied

            Shortly after Ray’s statement, Gavin knocked on the door and Michael answered it. He greeted the brit with a kiss and stepped back to let Gavin inside, going to sit on the couch. He pressed against Gavin’s side when the brit sat down and curled up, turning his attention to the movie he’d selected on Netflix. The four friends were greeted a short time later by Michael’s parents coming in from going to get pizza.

“Yum, thank you.” Michael said.

“Of course, I figure it would be easier than making you move from the couch to sit down at the dinner table.” Michael’s mother said.

Michael smiled some as he began to eat, passing slices to his three friends. After the box was empty, Ray and Tina stood up to leave waving at Michael. They grabbed their stuff and the pizza box and left, figuring it would be good since they were guests in the house. Michael thanked them and curled up against Gavin, relaxing.

Michael yawned and dozed off slowly falling asleep, snuggling closer to Gavin. Smiling, Gavin picked Michael up and carried him to his bedroom, laying him down. Michael curled up against Gavin and held onto him, whimpering some in his sleep. Gavin frowned and held the other boy closer to give him some sort of comfort he could only wonder what Michael was dreaming about.

Michael jolted awake a few hours later, sucking in a breath and looking around. He relaxed when he realized where he was and who was with him. He pushed the blanket off his shoulders, and stood up going to splash his face.

“Michael?” Gavin asked, voice laced with sleep.

“I’m fine Gav, nightmare go back to sleep.” Michael assured.

“Positive?” The other male asked.

“Positive.” Michael replied.

            Once he was sure he was calm, Michael climbed back into bed and buried his face in Gavin’s chest. Gavin adjusted enough to wrap his arms around Michael and rub his back. Michael stayed silent, enjoying the feeling of Gavin rubbing his back.

“You wanna talk about it?” Gavin asked him.

“Not really...” Michael told him. “But, if I don’t it’ll bug me forever.” He added.

“I’m here to listen, Michael.” Gavin replied.

Michael sat up and rubbed his eyes. “So, it started out fine it was a regular day but something was really off and I couldn’t figure out why, so I walked to join everyone and no one noticed me even as I sat in my regular seat. Then everything changed, everyone hated me, they walked away from me and called me a freak and when I turned to you for comfort and you left me and I was alone and it was awful.” Michael told him.

“Michael, I would never leave you alone. Not when you need me the most.” Gavin assured.

Michael said nothing as he hugged Gavin, burying his face.

“I love you.” Gavin whispered.

“I love you too.” Michael whispered back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, questions, comments, head canons, heck even fan art!  
> tumblr: haywoodtrashqueen  
> twitter: haushunters


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